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Romantics who demand perfection from partners force ordinary suitors into comical posturing. Sam Marlowe finds himself competing against Bream Mortimer for Wilhelmina Bennett, a woman with high expectations modeled on chivalric myth. The setup establishes how romantic illusions drive social absurdities across ocean voyages and English country estates.
WHAT THIS STORY IS ABOUT
Authors working within popular genres frequently arrive at matching plot devices independently. P. G. Wodehouse playfully defends his use of a suit of armor disguise by pointing to simultaneous magazine serializations. A public disclaimer converts potential criticism into part of the comedic entertainment.
ONE MOMENT!
Strict maternal supervision designed to keep a son sheltered creates an adult ill-equipped for romantic choice. Mrs. Hignett manages her estate and lecturing career with sharp efficiency while keeping her son Eustace isolated from eligible women. When her energetic nephew Sam Marlowe arrives, quiet routine instantly shatters.
CHAPTER I. A DISTURBING MORNING
Romantic infatuation rarely follows an orderly design, often arriving through comical mishaps. Sam Marlowe boards a crowded liner bound for England, only to be bitten on the arm by a small dog held by Billie Bennett. The sudden pain immediately turns into instant romantic devotion.
CHAPTER II. GALLANT RESCUE BY WELL-DRESSED YOUNG MAN
A man in love will swiftly reinterpret someone else's misfortune to justify his own desires. Upon learning that Billie Bennett broke her engagement to his seasick cousin Eustace Hignett, Sam Marlowe decides her actions were entirely sensible. He probes his miserable cousin for details while reframing the broken romance to suit his courtship goals.
CHAPTER III. SAM PAVES THE WAY
Fast-paced courtship bypasses traditional rituals in favor of direct action. Sam Marlowe determines to propose to Billie after four days at sea, favoring modern boldness over ancestral caution. Despite dire warnings from his invalid cousin, Sam prepares to make his declaration.
CHAPTER IV. SAM CLICKS
Good intentions often lead to embarrassing public spectacles when pride overrides talent. Sam Marlowe readies himself for the liner's concert with blackface makeup, horrifying his weak cousin in the dimly lit stateroom. The disclosure of his engagement to Eustace's former fiancée adds personal tension to an already bizarre performance.
CHAPTER V. PERSECUTION OF EUSTACE
Amateur performances easily collapse under the weight of unexpected sensory shocks. At the ocean liner concert, Eustace takes the piano stool only to freeze when Sam enters in full theatrical costume holding a lit cigar. The combination of motion and smoke ruins the act, turning romantic ambition into a public failure.
CHAPTER VI. SCENE AT A SHIP’S CONCERT
Idealistic affection crumbles when a lover appears ridiculous instead of heroic. Billie Bennett confronts Sam Marlowe on the moonlit deck after his disastrous concert performance. Unable to overlook his awkward display, she breaks the short engagement and returns his initial gift.
CHAPTER VII. SUNDERED HEARTS
Rejection drives lovers into dreary solitude before necessity forces a return to daily routine. Sam Marlowe retreats to a grim coastal town to nurse his feelings before returning to his father's London law firm. There he finds clerk John Peters examining a heavy revolver in preparation for an upcoming trip abroad.
CHAPTER VIII. SIR MALLABY OFFERS A SUGGESTION
Social obligations compel estranged lovers to maintain formal politeness despite simmering resentment. At a dinner hosted by his father, Sam Marlowe is seated directly beside Billie Bennett and her entourage. Their constrained conversation quickly shifts into subtle sparring over cultural grievances and mutual pride.
CHAPTER IX. ROUGH WORK AT A DINNER TABLE
Prolonged confinement indoors turns minor quirks into unbearable annoyances. Renting a magnificent English country estate yields only gloom for Mr. Bennett when persistent rain forces endless card games with unlikable companions. Sunnier weather eventually restores mood, highlighting how environment dictates household harmony.
CHAPTER X. TROUBLE AT WINDLES
Imagined illness produces sudden rushes of moral clarity and exaggerated repentance. Waking in the night with a sore tongue, Mr. Bennett convinces himself that his death is imminent. He summons his valet to bestow gifts and attempts immediate reconciliation with those he believes he has wronged.
CHAPTER XI. MR. BENNETT HAS A BAD NIGHT
Desperate attempts to maintain dignity often fail through clumsy execution. Left alone at his legal office, Sam Marlowe attempts to hide beneath a desk to avoid an unknown visitor, only for his feet to remain visible. When the visitor turns out to be Billie Bennett, his awkward emergence undermines his attempt at professional detachment.
CHAPTER XII. THE LURID PAST OF JNO. PETERS
Parallel conversations where neither party understands the other generate absurd escalation. When clerk John Peters shows his target revolver to Billie Bennett in the office, she mistakes his law inquiries for murderous madness. Her frantic efforts to pacify him lead to wild declarations that confuse everyone involved.
CHAPTER XIII. SHOCKS ALL ROUND
Parental dictates fail when confronted by stubborn young affection. Mr. Bennett arrives breathless at the legal offices to stop his daughter's impulsive choices, only to find Sam Marlowe offering himself as a son-in-law. Despite furious commands and re-asserted arrangements with another suitor, the couple openly declare their mutual devotion.
CHAPTER XIV. STRONG REMARKS BY A FATHER
Peaceful domestic moments provide fragile cover before sudden revelations disrupt them. Enjoying a sunny morning on the lawn of Windles, Mr. Bennett relishes rural peace alongside his daughter. The arrival of law clerk John Peters shatters this calm when he innocently reveals Billie's strange office confession from the previous day.
CHAPTER XV. DRAMA AT A COUNTRY HOUSE
Heartbroken suitors find unexpected allies in observant servants. Waiting near the estate lane, Sam Marlowe receives a stinging breakup letter delivered by the valet Webster. Finding his dignity shattered, Sam accepts romantic advice and strategic support from the experienced servant.
CHAPTER XVI. WEBSTER, FRIEND IN NEED
Competing agendas drawing multiple characters to the same location at night inevitably produce comedic chaos. Returning unexpectedly to protect her estate, Mrs. Hignett discovers open doors and hidden intruders. Secret movements through dark halls bring long-brewing romantic rivalries and maternal schemes to a frantic climax.
CHAPTER XVII. A CROWDED NIGHT
A comedic look at romantic idealization, social misunderstandings, and the absurd lengths of devotion.